Don't worry, I'm never going away again.

I just spent 4 entire days away from the Little Bird.

While I expected some level of discomfort physically and a complete emptiness of missing her, there were a few other side effects that I didn't expect... but I'll get to that in due time.

Saying goodbye to her was so difficult!!! Unfortunately (or maybe luckily for my tear ducts!), I had a major stress right before I was about to leave. My first flight out of New York (to DC) was cancelled due to weather exactly 2 hours before the flight. UGH. So I called the airline, and they offered me a few options that were leaving earlier. This wouldn't have been a problem if I was flying out of JFK, but I wasn't. LGA in Queens is an entire borough, several highways, and A LOT of traffic away. So when my only options were a flight that left in less than an hour, and another that left in 70 minutes, I was as panicked as you would expect. We threw the Little Bird in the car, and took off. We pulled into the airport with only a few minutes for me to spare, and I, of course, started crying. I knew I didn't have time to take her out of her car seat for hugs and crying, so I basically laid on top of her and kissed her face until she started scratching at my cheeks. She seemed done. I went in the airport, got my boarding pass, got through security, and promptly had a sensible nervous breakdown as soon as I got to the gate.

Coincidentally, I made the earlier flight. But it didn't take off until almost an hour after my original flight was scheduled to leave. Which made me miss my connector in DC. Which made me want to throw up. After a lot of juggling, begging, and literally pouting at a ticket agent, I got to Indianapolis after midnight. Neat.

I had a blast with my friends once I was there, but there was a constant emptiness in my chest. I missed The Bird so much. She was in my every thought. The first night, I woke up several times and panicked because I couldn't hear her breathing. I've had her [in her bassinet and then her pack and play] next to me for so long that listening to her sleep has become essential to actually resting. I don't know why this surprised me, but it did. I'm as tough as I thought.

It took a little bit to get into the swing of being at a convention that had me scheduled minute to minute, and finding time to pump! I admit, I was also a little bit shy to pump in front of my roommates, but all but one of them were mamas themselves and they knew it was something I had to do. I am so thankful that they made me feel safe and comfortable doing such an uncomfortable thing. They all heard the pump "speaking" to them too! Like I do when I'm pumping late at night with no other sounds except for the "zzwoooobaahhh zzwooooobaaaahhhhh" of the motor. Hilarious.

I definitely had a dip in production, but I expected that. Despite my best efforts, I only came back with about 10 ounces of milk, but that was 10 ounces that I worked HARD for, pumping on meal breaks and for 30 minutes at night before I went to sleep. I'm proud of every single drop. I'm coming back with a vengeance this week and trying some other measures to get some kind of supply back. I'll let you know what happens.

The one, extremely unexpected, thing that happened surprised me on the second day. After more than a year of it's absence, I was really unhappy to welcome my period back. :( LAME!!!!! I think that it has something to do with not physically nursing and being away from the baby that kicked my ovaries back into action, or I just have the worst luck of all time. Either way, I lose!!

So imagine me, SHOCKED by the most unpleasant of surprises, in a football stadium bathroom, completely unprepared. You rise to the occasion, become extremely resourceful, and do what you have to do to get through, but then the universe throws you another curveball... There is only one grocery, drugstore, corner store in walking distance (or rather, that you can walk to in the amount of time you need to get back in time for your next session) and it closes at 7pm. While you're in the middle of your  current session. NEAT. Thanks for that fail, CVS. You're on my list now.

This leaves me to scramble like a preteen at summer camp. I buy emergency supplies at the hotel, but the price gouging is absolutely ridiculous - $4 for TWO tampons. ARE YOU JOKING ME?!?! Unless they're make of solid gold, there is really no reason for that, and even then, they won't be absorbent and I'm not interested! I then find a magical machine that sells 'em for 25 cents, and buy it out. This lasts me until I get to the airport, and I feel like the smartest woman alive. I've beat the system!!

I can't tell you how much I missed her. It felt like the end of the world that I didn't get to kiss her goodnight, tuck her in, tickle her belly, and nibble her tiny toes. We did facetime, and that definitely made me teary, but helped the yearning. I even got to kiss her goodnight... *sort of*

A sleepy bird looks very confused at the large
and strange thing on Daddy's phone screen.
Where'd mommy's face go?
There are just weird lips there now, and I can't even grab 'em!

I had an amazing time at the reunion, but I could barely sleep on the last night... I was so excited that I was going home to my girl (and her Daddy!) Two flights later, one layover, and a lot of turbulence (seriously, people screamed. No joke.) later, I was home snuggling her as tight as I could. I was too happy to cry. There were no tears left. I could only stare at her, completely in awe of how she was so different, yet still so much the same. She definitely matured over the last week. She just fell asleep while she was playing in her playgym - something that she's never done before. I can see her maturing in front of my eyes, and I never want to miss another moment.

Reunited and it feels so so so so good.